Turning Point

So a couple weeks ago I wrote about our frustrations with Oliver night sleeping. I hoped that things would get better when we got back home and back into a routine, but they didn't. In fact, for several days after we got back, he wouldn't even nap in his bed, which he's never had a problem with. At night he was up every three hours to sleep. I might have been a little frazzled.

Now, I know the Cry It Out method works. I've used it before with the kids I've nannied. And, in using it, determined that, while it may work, I don't think it's the best way to teach a child to sleep. Or maybe it's just not good for this Mama's sanity. Whatever. I decided a long time ago that I would use it as a last resort only. Getting up and feeding my 6-month old every three hours, every night, is not the worst thing in the world. Having said 6-month-old sleep in my bed and kick me all night because he refuses to go back down in his own bed, is not the worst thing in the world either. I can lose some sleep. It's one of the things I signed up for when I embarked on this whole motherhood journey. If Oliver is hungry, because he's not eating enough solids during the day, and needs that feed every three hours, i will deal with that. That being said - if he DOESN'T need that food, that sustenance, if he is just waking up because he's trained himself to do so, I think that is something that - for both his father and my sanity, as well as not wanting this to be a habit he maintains for a couple years - it is my job, as his mother, to help him learn to sleep better.

We hadn't resorted to CIO for a couple of reasons:
1). Oliver has been teething, and I do not want him to be in pain, and needing comfort and feel like I am not there for him.
2). The addition of solids to his diet is going very slowly, he is not interested for long and he is not actually consuming much of the food that I give him. If he really is hungry that frequently at night, because he is not getting enough during the day, I do not want to refuse him the food that he needs.
3). Derek has been working insane hours and I don't want Oliver's crying to keep him up at night. He needs what sleep he can get.
4). I just can't listen to my baby scream. I honestly don't think I've gotten that desperate.

So, at every noise, every fuss, I've been running to pull my sweet baby out of bed, hush him so he doesn't wake his father, and latch him as quickly as possibly so that he can go straight back to sleep.

Until Friday. Friday night we stayed at my Godparents house. We set up the pack'n'play in the other room so that I could only hear Oliver if he was really all out crying (instead of waking up with every shuffle), and maybe I would get better sleep. We had a late night Friday and Ollie didn't go down till midnight. I woke up a couple of times thinking I heard him, I lay awake straining my ears to listen, but was met with only silence, so I went back to sleep. When I finally woke up for really just after 8am, he was STILL sleeping. I think he would have kept sleeping, but when I went in to check on him he stirred, and since I was painfully full, I woke him up to feed.

There goes my theory that he is really just hungry.

So, Derek and I had a conversation. We decided that I would stop getting up and pulling Oliver out of bed the moment I heard him. I would wait until he was really crying. Like, standing up on the side of the crib, struggling to catch his breath between sobs, crying. I am not ready to let him cry it out, but I do think he is at the point where he needs to be given time to try to learn to sooth himself back to sleep. We are going to try and give him that time. If Derek loses too much sleep, he can go get ear plugs. He has given me permission not to worry about it.

Saturday night I remember Oliver waking up once after we put him down around 10:30. Just before 2 in the morning. he fussed for a while. I got out of bed once to give him he pacifier. He was still laying down, eyes closed, under his quilt. Just fussing. So I let him be. I went back to bed and listened to him. Every time he would start to really fuss and I'd think I should go get him, he'd get quiet again. It felt like forever before he went back to sleep - it was probably ten minutes - but he went back to sleep. By himself. I heard him move around a couple other times during the night, but never cry. I had to wake him up at 7:30 so that I could feed him and then get us all ready for church on time.

Last night, he did get to full out crying once. But it wasn't till nearly 5am. I got him up, fed him, and 20 minutes later he was back asleep in bed. He slept till 8.

Also, I think learning to sleep through the night in his own bed is helping him sleep during the day. He is sleeping SO much during the day. He finally seems to be giving up the infant cat-naps and transitioning to an actually schedule and regular naps throughout the day. As I write this, he has been asleep for close to two hours, I've done the dishes, folded the laundry, and managed to sit down and write. Now I am about to have to go wake him up to eat before we go see his cousin.

There may be a growth spurt happening here also.

Colorado Highlights

We've been back almost a week now, but it's taken a while for me to get this post done. It's been a pretty packed week of unpacking, recuperating, and some family stuff thrown in. But, better late than never.

Derek and I (and Ollie, of course) left on the first with our teardrop trailer, the new-to-us truck we bought in Dallas on the way, and suitcase full of baby stuff (along with some clothing for Papa and I) for almost three weeks in Colorado. We spent the first six days at my grandparents house in Montrose, and then set off with our camp gear for 12 days of exploring up the mountains. We basically covered the entire southwest quarter of the state.

Discoveries I made during our three week road trip:

1). The Biyast (our new truck)  does not have off road tires. When you camp in the dirt, and it rains all night, you get stuck... The first night after we left my grandparents house, we parked up on this backcountry ski road in the middle of nowhere. It was completely deserted because, well, no one skiis in July. At 5 o'clock in the morning when you realize your wheels are stuck in mud, you kind of start to wish your campsite was a little less deserted.

2). The mountains are cold. Even in July. We knew this, but when I was packing, in Texas, in near 100 degree weather, it just wasn't something I thought about. I packed ONE blanket for our bed. The second morning (after we got the truck unstuck) we made a trip to Walmart for cold weather sleeping bags.

3). My husband is a durn good cook. (Okay, so this is not a new discovery, but at home I do all the meal planning, shopping, and cooking. I don't mind. Derek works, I don't. It makes sense for me to handle food). I don't hate cooking but I definitely don't find the same joy in it that some people do. So, since this is my vacation, and Derek is not working everyday, he's done pretty much all of it this trip. It's been lovely. And it's made me enjoy the meals I have cooked a whole lot more.

4). Ski towns are over rated. Maybe not for everyone, but they sure weren't our cup of tea. Too busy. Too expensive.

5). My son is quite the charmer. He's everyone's best friend, and he's gorgeous. I don't know how many times we got comments like 'Oliver, I think you need 20 brothers and sisters'  or 'you guys are gonna have a bunch more of those, right?'

6). All you people who rave about the Texas sunsets are wrong. Sorry, but you are. Texas ain't got nothing on a mountain sunset. Here's proof:

7). Ron Howard is super cool.

8). Colorado has fully embraced the legalization of weed. It's everywhere. And it stinks.

9). You can take a shower at a truck stop for $3-6 dollars. They're pretty gross. For $10-12 dollars, you can buy a pass to a rec center and have as many showers as you want, and have all day access to their indoor, heated pools. When it's in the 50s and raining and you've been camping, it's totally worth the extra few bucks for the pools.

10). Cloth diapering on the road is not nearly as inconvenient as I imagined it would be. Which leads me to the next:

11). This whole 'infant potty-training' thing has actually made life easier. I only changed maybe 6 dirty diapers this trip (Oliver generally poops 3-5 times a day), and all but 2 those were on the way up when we were in the car for REALLY long stretches of time, and I wasn't bothering to get him our and take him potty. It's been really nice, when we get back in the car after stopping to nurse, or whatever, to know that we're not going to have to stop again 15 minutes down the road to clean tush.

13). I can totally breastfeed while wearing Oliver in the Ergo. This is really nice when you're hiking and there are no comfy chairs to nurse in.

12). My little Monkey ADORES his daddy. I mean, I know Oliver loves Derek, but let's face it - with the hours Derek has been pulling the past few months - he's just not around as much during Ollie's wakeful hours. This is by far the most time they have spent together. Oliver thinks his daddy is THE BEST. I'm just old potatoes at this point.

14). I'd much rather live in Colorado than Texas.

15). However, I don't think Colorado is my dream home. 

I feel like we're backpedaling...

  Since a few days after he was born, Oliver has been a champion sleeper. At night anyway. During the day? Not so much. He’s pretty much a cat-napper. But I never had an issue with that because he was happy during the day and slept great all night. I found myself wondering why so many people complained about losing sleep with a newborn. I certainly didn’t feel like I was sleep deprived.
 
  Within a week of his birth, Oliver would regularly sleep 5-6 hour stretches at night, wake up to feed (which he mostly slept through) and then go back down for another 4-5 hours. Giving us 10-12 consecutive hours in bed with a maximum of 2, 30-minute, barely awake feeds. I seriously think my quality of sleep improved from pregnancy to mama hood. By about 4 months old he was sleeping from 9:30-6, eat, and then go back to sleep for another two to three hours. It was fabulous. I know, I know, all you mamas with babies who like to get up and play for two hours in the middle of the night hate me. Trust me, I don’t envy you.

   The past month or so, our sleep schedule has gone drastically down hill. It’s just been one thing after another. Oliver out grew his swaddle wrap and now he flails about and wakes himself up; then there was the teething; then traveling; and so on. Lately he’s up 2-3 times a night, and I’m lucky if he goes till 3am before his first feed, most nights it‘s closer to 2. He was sleeping later than that the week he was born! He still goes straight back down after he eats, but he’s up again two or three hours later, and then sometimes even a third time before he’s ready to really get up. Last night, he went down at nine and then was up at 12:30, at 2, at 5, and at 7:30. He didn’t get up “for real” till almost 9am. He just woke, fussed till I put him on the breast, ate for ten minutes or so, and then fell back asleep. We’re still getting 10-11 hours in the bed every night, so maybe I shouldn’t complain.

  Here’s the thing: he still sleeps in the bassinet next to our bed, and usually by 6 am or so has migrated into the bed with us. Sometimes I fall asleep nursing him during that first feed, but even though I thought I wanted to co-sleep before he was born, I have discovered that my quality of sleep is far better is he stays in his own bed most of the night. The child kicks and squirms and every movement has me waking.  Right now, if I fall asleep during that first feed, it is usually not for more than ten minutes and I can just lay him back in bed when I wake back up.

  But all that will change when we get back home next week. The first thing on our to do list is getting his crib built and putting it on the other side of the room. Now that he is pulling up, it is only a matter of time before he manages to flip himself over the low walls of his bassinet. He’s outgrowing the tiny thing anyway.

  I do not look forward to him being all the way on the other side of the room. It means I will have to actually wake myself up enough to go pull him out of bed, carry him back to our bed, nurse him, and then go lay him back down. Three times a night. This mama is entirely too lazy for that nonsense. It would be really great if he could get his schedule back to normal before we make the bed switch. Then again, it’s been so long, I wonder if maybe this is normal from here on out. Maybe we were just blessed the first few months.

  I’ve tried everything I can think of to get him to sleep longer. We make sure it’s not too cold in the bedroom. We keep a fan on for ambient noise. I throw a blanket over him for weight. I’ve tried to get him to sleep on his front so that maybe he won’t flail around as much, but he wakes as soon as I put him down if he’s not on his back. I thought (and still think) maybe he just isn’t getting enough milk to last him 8 hours anymore, so we’ve started introducing solid foods, but he won’t eat enough that it seems to make any difference. He’s really interested, he just seems to get bored after the first few bites. I am at my wit’s end. I welcome any and all advice. 

Halfway to a birthday

  Oliver is 6 months old today. 6 months ago (plus about 20 minutes) this tiny little human entered my life and I can't imagine how I ever lived without him. *Warning: this is going to be a lovey, gooey post all full on mama brags, if you are not a proud grandparent, aunt or uncle, or just crazy bored with your life right now because you've run out of things to binge watch on netflix - your time is probably more interestingly spent elsewhere.

  This kid has changed my life, y'all. He's turned me into a blubbering fool. I literally just burst into tears sometimes because of the smiles he makes while he's asleep. Or bust out laughing because he giggled, again, even though he's done it a thousand times and you'd think I'd get used to the noise. I have spent my ENTIRE life caring for children, strangers' children, friends' children, my own siblings. I thought I loved all of them, and I did, I loved them as deeply as I knew I could love. But that love pales in comparison to what I feel for my son. Which kind of makes me feel like I cheated all those other kids; like I was holding back.

  Time is passing too quickly. I miss the little baby I brought home from the hospital. Oliver is practically a toddler already. He's SO busy; the boy is all go. He crawls - for real now, not the weird, floppy, legs-only crawl he was doing a couple months ago - he stands up, he will pull up on any stationary object or person that will let him (although, I have yet to get a proper video of this, because every time I pull out my camera he wants to play with it instead =P). He tries to stand up in the middle of the floor. He's gotten close a couple of times. I swear, if his balance was better, he could just take off walking - in true overachieving-first-born fashion.

  He's got two teeth. Which he's enthralled with. He's tried a multitude of new foods this month. Including, but not exclusively: Butternut squash, potato, watermelon, grapes, apples, banana, avocado, apricot, yogurt (made with coconut milk because we're waiting to introduce dairy into his diet). So far the only thing he's shown a dislike to was the avocado (clearly, we'll have to fix that). Oh, and banana, which was the first thing we gave him, and it constipated him for a day and a half so we haven't tried since. His favourites have been apricot and yogurt. =) I know all the books say not to start with fruits because they'll never come back from the sweet, but we bought this thing http://www.amazon.com/Munchkin-Fresh-Feeder off amazon (it's fabulous by the way, i love being able to get a side of fruit or cooked veggies at any restaurant we go to and let him go to town on it while Derek and I enjoy our meal), because he's eating in such small quantities and it's a pain in the butt to steam and puree and thin veggies with I can just pop a slice of apple in here and let him have at it. Plus, so far he's loved every veggie we've given him, and he other day he went straight from watermelon to potato without even batting an eye. If anything, he was more interested in the potato. So I'm not really worried about it.

  He loves books, and animals, and his favorurite toys so far are blocks, cups and spoons, and the tag of anything. Seriously, if it has a tag, he'll find it. He's figured out that our couch pillows have tags on one side, and when he get a hold of a pillow he'll kick it around till he finds the tag. He's taught himself how to play peek-a-boo. With anything. Burp rag, pillow, the back of the couch (see video at the bottom), He'll pull a blanket or some such over his head, wait a few seconds, and then throw it down - and of you don't play back, he'll yell at you until you do. It's basically adorable.

  He's a far cry from that little 8 pound, 7 ounce, 21.5 inch baby. He's at least 17 lbs (we haven't weighed him in nearly a month, but he was 16, 5 last I checked, and he's got to be between 27-28 inches long. He'll be taller than me by gradeschool. I miss the newborn. I miss the coos, the newborn cry, the tiny fingers that used to grab mine, the little half-smile. But I love watching as his personality develops. He's got SO much personality. He's independent, and expressive, and inquisitive. He watches everything and everyone. He's so focused sometimes. He loves people. Especially men. Especially men with beards. He's got a thing for beards. And he's so happy, all the time. Always smiling and laughing and flirting. Except when he's not, and almost always there is a very clear, very tangible reason for it: he's over tired, or over stimulated, or hungry, or hurt. Almost all of these upsets are cured in the same way. Boob. We nurse A LOT. in fits and spurts. He'll crawl up to me, latch for 3 or 4 minutes, and then move on. He's always on the move. Always exploring. Always trying to figure everything out.

  In three days we will be up in the mountains, on a little slice of property, somewhere in a national forest. No floor, no concrete, nothing but mountain ground to crawl on. For over a week. Not sure how well that's going to work.

  I miss the baby. But I am so excited for the child that he is becoming. I think we'll have to have at least 8 more.