I had a nanny job, years ago, that I struggled a lot with. I had a lot of parenting/teaching differences from the parents. I always try to respect and follow the wishes of the parents that I work for. I did my best, but I didn't feel like they backed me up. They set rules, and then when I enforced them, and their kids complained - it was my fault that they weren't happy. I felt I had no back up, even though I was following THEIR guidelines. One night, the mom of this family pulled me aside and we had a long conversation about how her kids weren't happy and how I was the sole reason for that. This conversation ended with the words "maybe kids just aren't your thing."
Dear __________,
I want you to know that I have carried those words with me for YEARS. I'm still not over them. Kids have always been, will always be, my ONLY thing. The one desire I have had for longer than I can remember. The one passion I truly feel like God Himself planted within me.
I was talking to this older lady at a coffee house a couple weeks ago and she, as so many do, complimented me on my mild-mannered, friendly, smiley little boy.
"You know what that tells me?" She asked. "It tells me he's got a great mommy."
I gotta be honest. I almost burst into tears. In the middle of this public place, right in front of this complete stranger. I wanted to crumple, to bury my head in her shoulder and bawl.
I thought I had forgiven you. I thought I had moved on. Blocked it out. I thought that all the comments to the contrary, comments like I received at the coffee shop, had been enough to bury the hurt caused by your words. But they weren't. I still hurts. I still, every time I lose my patience while trying to get my baby to settle down and sleep, or snap at him when he bites, or pulls my hair, even though I know it's not on purpose, I wonder if maybe you we're right, and I'm not cut out for this.
I know there will be more negative comments. All my life, every where we go, there will be people who question my parenting choices. People who tell me I'm doing it wrong. I hope that I can learn to let their words mean less than yours did.
You know what I'm discovering? I am a fabulous mom. I am not a perfect mom, I won't ever be, I'm still learning (even after all my years of childcare experience) and I will spend the rest of my life wondering what I could have done better but i'm pretty good at this thing, and I've got a pretty fantastic kid.
You know what else? You are a fabulous mom, too.
I want to apologize to you. For all the times I questioned your parenting methods - Even silently. I apologize for being less than you desired for your kids. I apologize for not making them thrive. For making you feel like you had made the wrong choice in hiring me. I know firsthand now how nerve-wracking it is to leave your kids in the care of someone else.
All the best,
Abigail
Mommies,
Let's stop judging each other for their choices. Raising kids is hard. We encounter hard choices every day. And both sides of the arguments are full of reasons why their way is the perfect, and even ONLY choice worth making. We are so concerned with making our points and defending our decisions, that we do it at the expense of everyone who has taken a different path. Not everyone can breastfeed, not everyone wants to co-sleep, not everyone wants to vaccinate their tiny babies. Not spanking doesn't automatically mean your kids will be spoiled rotten. Spanking doesn't automatically mean you'll have a rotten relationship with your kids when they are teenagers.
Shaming goes a long way. Support goes further. We're all in this together. We're all fighting the same fight to give our kids the best we can. Let's fight together. Even if our weapons look different sometimes.
Dear __________,
I want you to know that I have carried those words with me for YEARS. I'm still not over them. Kids have always been, will always be, my ONLY thing. The one desire I have had for longer than I can remember. The one passion I truly feel like God Himself planted within me.
I was talking to this older lady at a coffee house a couple weeks ago and she, as so many do, complimented me on my mild-mannered, friendly, smiley little boy.
"You know what that tells me?" She asked. "It tells me he's got a great mommy."
I gotta be honest. I almost burst into tears. In the middle of this public place, right in front of this complete stranger. I wanted to crumple, to bury my head in her shoulder and bawl.
I thought I had forgiven you. I thought I had moved on. Blocked it out. I thought that all the comments to the contrary, comments like I received at the coffee shop, had been enough to bury the hurt caused by your words. But they weren't. I still hurts. I still, every time I lose my patience while trying to get my baby to settle down and sleep, or snap at him when he bites, or pulls my hair, even though I know it's not on purpose, I wonder if maybe you we're right, and I'm not cut out for this.
I know there will be more negative comments. All my life, every where we go, there will be people who question my parenting choices. People who tell me I'm doing it wrong. I hope that I can learn to let their words mean less than yours did.
You know what I'm discovering? I am a fabulous mom. I am not a perfect mom, I won't ever be, I'm still learning (even after all my years of childcare experience) and I will spend the rest of my life wondering what I could have done better but i'm pretty good at this thing, and I've got a pretty fantastic kid.
You know what else? You are a fabulous mom, too.
I want to apologize to you. For all the times I questioned your parenting methods - Even silently. I apologize for being less than you desired for your kids. I apologize for not making them thrive. For making you feel like you had made the wrong choice in hiring me. I know firsthand now how nerve-wracking it is to leave your kids in the care of someone else.
All the best,
Abigail
Mommies,
Let's stop judging each other for their choices. Raising kids is hard. We encounter hard choices every day. And both sides of the arguments are full of reasons why their way is the perfect, and even ONLY choice worth making. We are so concerned with making our points and defending our decisions, that we do it at the expense of everyone who has taken a different path. Not everyone can breastfeed, not everyone wants to co-sleep, not everyone wants to vaccinate their tiny babies. Not spanking doesn't automatically mean your kids will be spoiled rotten. Spanking doesn't automatically mean you'll have a rotten relationship with your kids when they are teenagers.
Shaming goes a long way. Support goes further. We're all in this together. We're all fighting the same fight to give our kids the best we can. Let's fight together. Even if our weapons look different sometimes.
